Changing My View

Let's just start this entry off with a bit of honesty: I'm a vain bitch. It's not that I think I'm all that beautiful (my mother was the beauty), it's that I don't like looking any less than my best, in general. So, even though I work at a place where I could get away with wearing jeans to work every day, I go through the bother of wearing undies that match my outer garments in colour, and still wear skirts and high heels...you know, that girlie shit. I don't always wear makeup, but that's because I'm vain enough to think I look pretty good without it.

But here's where my vanity, interferes with my life in general; my eyes. I refuse to wear glasses. I've been blind as a freaking bat in my right eye since I was 10 years old. My father and grandparents gave up trying to make me wear my glasses after I "lost" three pairs in as many months. I tried contact lenses (after the soft ones came out) and they were okay, but expensive and occasionally, painful. So, because my left eye has always been the strong and perfect one, I let it do most of the work, and live my life without correction in the ocular arena. Yeah, I know, it's amusing...a half blind artist. Some would say it shows. They'd be assholes.

Four years ago, I looked into Laser surgery. Seems that I was a perfect candidate. However, the perfect candidate did not have the necessary $2000 for the surgery, so she had to postpone while she saved. Then I quit my job. Because of this recent contract (due to expire in 2 weeks), I've been able to get the cash. Of course, in the meantime, the price has jumped another $450, but I was prepared for that. I went in a week ago last Wednesday to be reassessed.

Nothing had changed in the last four years, so I had it done Wednesday. Now, they lied a bit. They said my eye would feel "gritty" after the operation, when the local wore off. What it actually felt like was someone pressing down on my eyeball with their thumb. Squirm as I might, I couldn't get away from that fucking thumb! I must admit to feeling sorry enough for myself that I cried. I blame a combination of discomfort...no, pain, aftershock and nervousness.

I have to sleep with this clear plastic shield over my eye for another night or two. I look like Nana of Borg. I may keep wearing it just for the scare appeal. My depth perception has increased like I wouldn't believe, and I can barely wait for tomorrow, when I begin a landscape where I can actually see the details!